Post by Jensen Pines on May 27, 2022 15:17:36 GMT
It was too much at once. Jensen could handle a lot. He could handle the weight of the world on his shoulders and had his whole life. But this? Jade in the hospital after taking on the rogue pack by herself. Ashton saying he loved Jade while the boys in the pack all knew he was fucking her twin behind his locked door. Sabrina calling him out for holding on to his secrets before spilling her deepest one on his lap and then driving off. Blake’s eyes meeting his with a look of desperation across his features and having to bite his tongue as he wished him goodnight. All at an ungodly hour in the morning. Jensen’s knees were trembling. His shoulders ached and his heart was heavy. He couldn’t bear the weight anymore. He couldn’t keep the reins from slipping from his fingers as he dropped to the floor. He hadn’t slept that night. He went home and into his room and to his desk where he put a pen to paper and wrote. A script with scratched out lines and scribbled words. Nothing felt right. No words could convey his message. Jensen didn’t feel like himself anymore. He was once a happy, sweet little boy who shared his snacks and took a beating for a good cause. He never lied, he never withheld the truth.
Sometimes he wished Ashton hadn’t come back to Beacon Hills. He would never say that aloud, but the alpha had him doing things he never would have before. He did them without being asked, without remorse. He was hurting people for the pack’s greater good. He was a pawn. He was so fucking weak under those red eyes that it made him sick. He loved his cousin. He’d do anything for him. That was his biggest fault. If Ashton said burn, he’d set the world on fire. He wanted to throw up.
Jensen never did find the right words, but he had to tell Iris. It wasn’t a secret. It wasn’t something that was going to rock her foundation. She knew of the supernatural. She knew of wolves and kanimas and banshees and hunters. That wasn’t what had him biting his tongue. It was Jasper. It was always fucking Jasper. He wanted to be different. He wanted to prove to her that he could treat her right and love her completely. He didn’t want her to look at him and see anyone but him. He didn’t want her to be in love with another werewolf with a ‘J’, but she was. He couldn’t change the past. He couldn’t change his biology. He couldn’t change his name. He just had to trust that she meant it when she said she loved him back and hope that this truth wouldn’t change their future for the worse.
He’d known Iris nearly his whole life. She was his first friend in Beacon Hills. Before Blake pushed him down and before Sabrina was sat beside him in second grade and before Murphy tried to trip him. Ashton was all he’d known for so long. Iris was a welcomed replacement. She was tiny and smart and kind and so damn sweet. When she’d caught Jensen giving half of his lunch to Blake, she begged her mom to give her extra so she could share too. He’d spent so many afternoons under the trees in her backyard, giggling and running and being a happy little kid as he chased her around the yard. She’d been such a large part of his childhood that it was a startling emptiness when they drifted apart in middle school. He had the pack and she had female friends she focused on. It was a natural progression. He hated it, but he didn’t stop it. He couldn’t. They smiled in the hallways and spoke in classes, but it was different. He helped her mom with her groceries and she’d fuss over how big he’d gotten and how she wished he’d join them for dinner and he always brushed it off because Iris had moved on with her life. She had a new group. She had a new guy. Jensen still didn’t know all the details, but he knew Jasper had been something more to her.
He takes back his earlier thought. If Ashton hadn’t come back, Jensen wouldn’t have rekindled with Iris. He wouldn’t have been at that party. He wouldn’t have talked to her again one on one in a playful, earnest conversation.
He wouldn’t have had the balls to ask her out on a date.
It was nearly a year ago, now. A little less than ten months of cradled palms and sweet kisses and late nights. After his dinner with her parents, he found himself spending more time at her house than at his own. It was crowded with the pack back together, with the boys living in the rooms downstairs. He’d told her that he loved her under the night sky in the bed of his truck after six months together. She’d whispered it back and his cheeks ached with the force of his grin. He did love her. He always has, he realizes that now. And he was so scared to lose her now that he finally had her. He couldn’t lose her. Their first time, he’d been a bundle of nerves. He’d only ever done it once and wanted to get it perfect. Their first wasn’t their last, so he supposed he did something right. It was sparingly and in the moment that they’d rip at each other’s clothes and pant into each other’s mouths, but it was perfect. She was perfect. These ten months had been the best of his life. Dates every other weekend and evenings often spent at one house or the other. Enough time together to fill their needs, but not so overwhelming that it became suffocating. Jensen focused on his pack in the later months as Sabrina filtered back into their lives. Iris spent a lot of time with Rose and Leon and on her studies. They were individuals, still. He knew that was important. He stopped spending so much money on bouquets of flowers after she’d sat him down and expressed her concerns. Instead, he’d stop by a field of daisies and dandelions and lavender. Plucking a handful of small stems and wrapping them together with a ribbon or tape or a cut of fabric he’d found. He wanted to spoil her and found a way to do it on her own terms. He loved her. She smiled so pretty with flowers in her hands and with the window down as they sang along to awful pop songs. He loved her so damn much his heart burst in his chest at the sight of her.
School had been hell that day. It was a Friday and Blake’s birthday party was the next and he hadn’t slept in over twenty-four hours and he was a wreck. The rest of the pack had stayed home, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. He was dead set on getting into a good school and couldn’t afford days off. Iris had fretted over him when she saw how tired he’d looked, but he shushed her with a kiss and promised they’d talk later. In class, they made small banter and lunch was spent with his fingers in her hair as she laid her head on his lap and read–he was studying for a test the next period. His mind was too loud for him to talk. It wasn’t until she was settling into his passenger seat after the school day had ended that his tongue felt loose.
But he couldn’t say it.
He didn’t say it for another week.
They’d moved through their days with a tension between them. At Blake’s party, Sabrina had been glaring at him. The way he avoided her gaze, she knew he still hadn’t told Iris. She had pulled him aside, rushed and harsh whispers leaving her lips and he cowered under the weight of her accusations. Iris had found them and Sabrina had gone silent the moment the girl stepped into view. They looked caught–he looked embarrassed and sheepish. He fears she got the wrong idea. Sabrina and him had always been close. When Iris filtered out of his life, Sabrina had filled her role. It was nothing more than friendship–she was like a sister, even–but he knew what their relationship could look like from the outside. When Blake had sweetly pulled Sabrina in for a kiss and announced that they were together, he hoped that would quell any doubts Iris had about him and Sabrina, but the tension hadn’t faded. Their week at school felt forced and she made an excuse to not ride home with him each day. She spent the weekend with Rose and he knew he had to tell her now. He didn’t have an option anymore.
Jensen pulled up outside of Iris’s house just as she was getting back from Rose’s. It was a coincidence, he’d been ready to knock and beg for her to come out, but there she was–at her front door and eyes wide as she looked his way.
“Hey,” he called to her, stumbling out of his truck and meeting her where she stood on the path that led to her front door, “I need to talk to you, Iris. Can we–do you want to go for a drive?” He reached out for her, taking her hand carefully in his own and raising it to his lips. He kissed her knuckles softly, eyes on hers as he pressed her palm to his chest and sincerely apologized, “I’m sorry I’ve been acting so weird recently. Just a lot has happened and I’ve been scared to tell you, but I’m ready now. So,” hesitated, biting his lip before asking again, “Please? I hate how this week has been, sunshine.”
He hoped the nickname would soften her. He used to call her that when they were kids and has plenty since they've been together. She was always so bright and bubbly and brilliant. She was his guiding light on rainy days and stormy nights. She was all he ever wanted and needed, and he didn’t know what he’d do if he ruined them with his own stupidity. He knows he shouldn't have waited so long to tell her, but he'd been so scared of losing her. And he might still anyways. He blinks the wetness from his eyes, praying she knew him well enough to know he'd never do anything to purposefully hurt his girl.
Sometimes he wished Ashton hadn’t come back to Beacon Hills. He would never say that aloud, but the alpha had him doing things he never would have before. He did them without being asked, without remorse. He was hurting people for the pack’s greater good. He was a pawn. He was so fucking weak under those red eyes that it made him sick. He loved his cousin. He’d do anything for him. That was his biggest fault. If Ashton said burn, he’d set the world on fire. He wanted to throw up.
Jensen never did find the right words, but he had to tell Iris. It wasn’t a secret. It wasn’t something that was going to rock her foundation. She knew of the supernatural. She knew of wolves and kanimas and banshees and hunters. That wasn’t what had him biting his tongue. It was Jasper. It was always fucking Jasper. He wanted to be different. He wanted to prove to her that he could treat her right and love her completely. He didn’t want her to look at him and see anyone but him. He didn’t want her to be in love with another werewolf with a ‘J’, but she was. He couldn’t change the past. He couldn’t change his biology. He couldn’t change his name. He just had to trust that she meant it when she said she loved him back and hope that this truth wouldn’t change their future for the worse.
He’d known Iris nearly his whole life. She was his first friend in Beacon Hills. Before Blake pushed him down and before Sabrina was sat beside him in second grade and before Murphy tried to trip him. Ashton was all he’d known for so long. Iris was a welcomed replacement. She was tiny and smart and kind and so damn sweet. When she’d caught Jensen giving half of his lunch to Blake, she begged her mom to give her extra so she could share too. He’d spent so many afternoons under the trees in her backyard, giggling and running and being a happy little kid as he chased her around the yard. She’d been such a large part of his childhood that it was a startling emptiness when they drifted apart in middle school. He had the pack and she had female friends she focused on. It was a natural progression. He hated it, but he didn’t stop it. He couldn’t. They smiled in the hallways and spoke in classes, but it was different. He helped her mom with her groceries and she’d fuss over how big he’d gotten and how she wished he’d join them for dinner and he always brushed it off because Iris had moved on with her life. She had a new group. She had a new guy. Jensen still didn’t know all the details, but he knew Jasper had been something more to her.
He takes back his earlier thought. If Ashton hadn’t come back, Jensen wouldn’t have rekindled with Iris. He wouldn’t have been at that party. He wouldn’t have talked to her again one on one in a playful, earnest conversation.
He wouldn’t have had the balls to ask her out on a date.
It was nearly a year ago, now. A little less than ten months of cradled palms and sweet kisses and late nights. After his dinner with her parents, he found himself spending more time at her house than at his own. It was crowded with the pack back together, with the boys living in the rooms downstairs. He’d told her that he loved her under the night sky in the bed of his truck after six months together. She’d whispered it back and his cheeks ached with the force of his grin. He did love her. He always has, he realizes that now. And he was so scared to lose her now that he finally had her. He couldn’t lose her. Their first time, he’d been a bundle of nerves. He’d only ever done it once and wanted to get it perfect. Their first wasn’t their last, so he supposed he did something right. It was sparingly and in the moment that they’d rip at each other’s clothes and pant into each other’s mouths, but it was perfect. She was perfect. These ten months had been the best of his life. Dates every other weekend and evenings often spent at one house or the other. Enough time together to fill their needs, but not so overwhelming that it became suffocating. Jensen focused on his pack in the later months as Sabrina filtered back into their lives. Iris spent a lot of time with Rose and Leon and on her studies. They were individuals, still. He knew that was important. He stopped spending so much money on bouquets of flowers after she’d sat him down and expressed her concerns. Instead, he’d stop by a field of daisies and dandelions and lavender. Plucking a handful of small stems and wrapping them together with a ribbon or tape or a cut of fabric he’d found. He wanted to spoil her and found a way to do it on her own terms. He loved her. She smiled so pretty with flowers in her hands and with the window down as they sang along to awful pop songs. He loved her so damn much his heart burst in his chest at the sight of her.
School had been hell that day. It was a Friday and Blake’s birthday party was the next and he hadn’t slept in over twenty-four hours and he was a wreck. The rest of the pack had stayed home, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. He was dead set on getting into a good school and couldn’t afford days off. Iris had fretted over him when she saw how tired he’d looked, but he shushed her with a kiss and promised they’d talk later. In class, they made small banter and lunch was spent with his fingers in her hair as she laid her head on his lap and read–he was studying for a test the next period. His mind was too loud for him to talk. It wasn’t until she was settling into his passenger seat after the school day had ended that his tongue felt loose.
But he couldn’t say it.
He didn’t say it for another week.
They’d moved through their days with a tension between them. At Blake’s party, Sabrina had been glaring at him. The way he avoided her gaze, she knew he still hadn’t told Iris. She had pulled him aside, rushed and harsh whispers leaving her lips and he cowered under the weight of her accusations. Iris had found them and Sabrina had gone silent the moment the girl stepped into view. They looked caught–he looked embarrassed and sheepish. He fears she got the wrong idea. Sabrina and him had always been close. When Iris filtered out of his life, Sabrina had filled her role. It was nothing more than friendship–she was like a sister, even–but he knew what their relationship could look like from the outside. When Blake had sweetly pulled Sabrina in for a kiss and announced that they were together, he hoped that would quell any doubts Iris had about him and Sabrina, but the tension hadn’t faded. Their week at school felt forced and she made an excuse to not ride home with him each day. She spent the weekend with Rose and he knew he had to tell her now. He didn’t have an option anymore.
Jensen pulled up outside of Iris’s house just as she was getting back from Rose’s. It was a coincidence, he’d been ready to knock and beg for her to come out, but there she was–at her front door and eyes wide as she looked his way.
“Hey,” he called to her, stumbling out of his truck and meeting her where she stood on the path that led to her front door, “I need to talk to you, Iris. Can we–do you want to go for a drive?” He reached out for her, taking her hand carefully in his own and raising it to his lips. He kissed her knuckles softly, eyes on hers as he pressed her palm to his chest and sincerely apologized, “I’m sorry I’ve been acting so weird recently. Just a lot has happened and I’ve been scared to tell you, but I’m ready now. So,” hesitated, biting his lip before asking again, “Please? I hate how this week has been, sunshine.”
He hoped the nickname would soften her. He used to call her that when they were kids and has plenty since they've been together. She was always so bright and bubbly and brilliant. She was his guiding light on rainy days and stormy nights. She was all he ever wanted and needed, and he didn’t know what he’d do if he ruined them with his own stupidity. He knows he shouldn't have waited so long to tell her, but he'd been so scared of losing her. And he might still anyways. He blinks the wetness from his eyes, praying she knew him well enough to know he'd never do anything to purposefully hurt his girl.