Out of Town
Written by HOSIE.
48 posts.
17 years old.
pizza >.
I am Male.
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Post by Alfred Smith on May 12, 2015 22:28:08 GMT
it was always youlonely, lonely little life </3 They say can tell when someone's sad by looking in their eyes, because when they were sad they lost the spark that used to light up their pupils. It was like someone had smashed the front of the flashlight that held them bright, and so all that the person could really think to do was walk around, feeling like a ghost in a shell of what a person used to be. It was like they'd lost their fire, their spirit. Some were truly unlucky, and the restless nights of tossing and turning wrote shadows into the the skin of their face, bags clinging to their cheeks for weeks on end, writing the word "unhappy" across their face like some sort of public canvas.
Luckily for Alfie, he'd never experienced either of these pains.
Instead, Aflie's happiness depended on the size of his pupils. The bigger the black orb, the more of the light that was starting to disappear behind his eyes, and the less he found himself actually willing to get out of bed without the aid of copious amounts of potentially illegal drugs. The pills were his escape, his coping mechanism he knew when it came to total internal destruction, mind spiraling back to places he could only ever remember during the period that Pierce was missing, and he was lying in hospital, hoping his next breath would be his last, because who really cared these days, anyway? He and his dad barely spoke, and his mother was a prostitute that'd love anyone if you paid her enough. The woman had perfected the art of opening her legs up to anyone who would have her, and it showed in her taste of man... Not that Alfie had ever actually met Austin. Oh no, that would be too close to acknowledging Alfie's existence, which was a big no no, according to his mum. It was better to be a good little boy and pretend to not exist, maybe go and live in a cupboard under the stairs, if she felt it'd really help.
It was this toxic frame of mind that had lead Alfie to the bridge near Beacon Hills. It wasn't that he wanted to kill himself, if that's what anyone was worried about, it was just the stress of the addiction. He'd done the defiant thing after a night of fumbling with packets and pills and just thrown most of them over the edge, letting them sink to the bottom in a moment of 'I don't need these', which he was quickly regretting. Sure, maybe the kid wanted to recover, but he simply didn't know how and, the way things were going for him, he felt more out of control of his own life than ever. It was like he was watching it all play out in front of him, and yet couldn't stop any of it from actually happening. He couldn't get Pierce to love him again, if he ever even did, and he couldn't find a way to really fit in in California. He was, by all means, alone in the world, and he couldn't stand it.
Brandishing the final packet of pills from his pocket, Alfie's hands shook as he held it over he edge, sniffing slightly as he stared out at the only thing he really considered to be his friend. When it came down to it, he knew he couldn't throw it away, into the water. Not his last pill, anyway; that would be too hard. Instead, he just paralyzed himself to the spot, blank stare focusing and un-focusing on the clear packet as his head span, and he tried to figure out what he was supposed to be doing. He was tired, blearly, and his head was thinking about as straight as his sexuality. He couldn't do this - he couldn't.
And yet there was only one person that could help him. Pierce.
Pulling his phone out of his pocket, Alfie numbly texted the boy, writing in such a way that he knew wouldn't require a back and forth. Pierce would come whether he wanted to or not. He quickly pressed send, rifling through his pockets as he lit himself a fag and waited, blowing hollow smoke into the silent night air.
'I can't do this. I'm at the bridge. Hurry.'
PIERCE / DEM FEELS / 700ISH / XOXOI'm the light, blinking at the end of the roadblink back to let me know
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Out of Town
Written by Lyssa.
501 posts.
19 years old.
single.
I am Male.
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Post by Pierce Reed on May 13, 2015 19:43:00 GMT
Let’s be alone together
We could stay young forever
659 WORDS ALFIE OUFIT SADNESS | If there was one thing in Beacon Hills that Pierce loved, it was night time. Something about the silence of the night reminded him that it was okay to slow down every once in a while and remember what was really important. Having grown up in Las Vegas, Pierce had always been in the mindset that everything always had to keep moving. There was no stopping to consider what his current actions might eventually lead to. Of course, there was a possibility that mindset did not come from where he was raised and was simply the way his brain insisted on operating, but he never spent too much time thinking about it anyhow.
During his time in Beacon Hills, he had become a different person from the one that he was when he left Las Vegas. And tonight, as he laid in his empty bed in the dark, he thought about that person. Was this really who he wanted to be? Was he really enjoying the life that he had made for himself here? Like all situations, there were good parts and there were bad parts. The advantages may have been that he become a much more honorable person, one that people weren’t ashamed to know or to call family. The disadvantages, however, were that his life had become so routine that he was losing his sense of self. This “better person” that he had somehow transformed into was not really him, nor would it ever be.
Pierce was not meant to be a good person. There were too many demons sitting inside of him and waging war with him constantly for him to ever become a respectable human being. There was always going to be the part of him that wanted to make bad decisions and fuck around.
The boy’s thoughts were cut off by the buzz of his cell phone on the bedside table. As he reached over slowly and sleepily to grab it, his full expectation was that it would be Mason texting to see if he was still awake. But instead, he read the words on the screen and, in his groggy haze, managed to put together the fact that it was Alfie who had texted him, and that he needed to get to him. Soon.
The panic that set in soon after reading the text sent adrenaline pumping through Pierce’s veins, pulling him out of his almost-sleep. He rushed out of his bedroom, threw on some shoes, and got in his car to race to the bridge, praying every moment there that Alfie would still be alive when he arrived.
As his car pulled onto the old bridge, he saw a shadowy figure sitting on the edge and pulled to a rather abrupt stop. Practically throwing the door off of his car, he ran over to the boy. “Oh thank God,” he said as he wrapped his arms tight around Alfie’s slim figure, not even thinking of letting go. He clung to him as if the thought of losing him was worse than the thought of losing anything else in the world. It was a selfish idea, but Pierce could not stop himself from having it. “What are you doing?” he asked, but it was less of a question of what he was currently doing in that moment and more about what had led Alfie up to this moment. There was a hint of disappointment in his voice, as if he predicted that something like this might happen but had hoped it never would. Though it wasn’t like Pierce had any right to judge. The two of them had saved each other’s lives countless times by now, but this time was different. This time it meant more because Pierce could have easily decided to let Alfie sort things out on his own just to keep his own ass out of trouble, but instead he came anyways because he cared too much to stay away.
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Out of Town
Written by HOSIE.
48 posts.
17 years old.
pizza >.
I am Male.
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Post by Alfred Smith on May 13, 2015 20:28:19 GMT
it was always youlonely, lonely little life </3 What was he doing? He didn’t know. Fundamentally, he was sat, staring out at a surprisingly enticing pool of blue below him as he blew the final drag of the cigarette into the cool night air, numbly pressing the fag end against his arm to put it out. He didn’t even think about the fact that it’d burn his skin, or the fact that it’d probably scar, and it wasn’t exactly a secret that it was a bad habit he’d repeated many times before. Pierce had never been able to stop him doing it, because he didn’t realise it was happening until the dull cigarette was pressed against his skin, almost managing to brand himself without even realising. Thoughtlessly, he chucked the now dead end into the river belong, spare hand still running along the clear packet holding the last of his pills.
What was he doing? Oh yeah, he was quitting his drug habit. Duh. Or, at least, he was trying to.
Trying only ever really meant failing for Alfie. He’d always been one of those kids that tried so hard to do something that they lost enthusiasm mere hours after deciding to do it. It was like when the Olympics was on, and suddenly everyone had aspirations to become champion sports stars, which then only resulted in hundreds, maybe even thousands, of people holding gym memberships that they were never actually going to use. It was tragic, really. It didn’t matter what he tried to do – quit drugs, become a better person, maybe even start being nice to people – he ultimately failed. If anything, the only thing Alfie had ever succeeded at is being himself; being the kind of person that stole without thought and spent his nights snorting powder up noses or pressing small tabs against tongues and wondering if even a bad hallucination would make the world seem just a little bit brighter.
Eventually, after an almost suffocating silence, Alfie lifted his head and looked at Pierce, blank stare almost managing to gaze through him, rather than at. How could he do this to the boy? How could he so easily tear him away from the stable life that he’d finally managed to build for himself? Pierce was the King of building pranks and creating beautifully tragic lies to tell people, whilst Alfie only seemed to master the art of destruction. He was the one that burnt away the evidence, twisted the lies Pierce invented into every day conversation until eventually they broke a relationship or idea. Together, they almost balanced each other out, but alone? Alone, Pierce built himself a life and Alfie did everything he could to burn his to the ground.
Finding Pierce again had somehow managed to be the best and worst thing to happen in Alfie’s life.
“I – uh –“ he attempted to reply, biting his lip as he tried to form some sort of response, although he didn’t actually know what he was supposed to say. His gaze still hadn’t managed to fully settle on Pierce by that moment, so he just turned back to look at the water, almost unresponsive to Pierce’s actions as he finally thought to say, “I don’t know. I wanted to quit, but I can’t.” The sentence was almost nonsensical, but it made perfect sense in Alfie’s head. After all, his fingers were still running over the pill in his hand, not even attempting to hide it from Pierce.
PIERCE / DEM FEELS / 575 / XOXOI'm the light, blinking at the end of the roadblink back to let me know
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Out of Town
Written by Lyssa.
501 posts.
19 years old.
single.
I am Male.
|
Post by Pierce Reed on May 14, 2015 14:58:13 GMT
Let’s be alone together
We could stay young forever
327 WORDS ALFIE OUFIT SADNESS | I wanted to quit, but I can’t. Pierce’s first reaction to the words was the thought that Alfie would never be able to quit, but he stopped himself from saying that. It was not going to help in this situation anyways. “Alfie, you can’t just quit cold-turkey. Not with the shit you’re on,” he said, though he didn’t actually know all that Alfie was on, he could guess that it was not the kind of drug that you could quit easily. But Pierce figured that quitting wasn’t really what Alfie was upset about at the time. There was something else going on, Pierce decided, and he figured that whatever it was, it was probably his fault.
Pierce didn’t dare lessen his grip on Alfie, partially for Alfie’s comfort but mostly for his own. He watched as he pressed the cigarette against his skin, something he’d seen Alfie do plenty of times before, but he’d never really commented on it. Pierce had his own bad habits when it came to self-harm, but right now he wanted to rip the cigarette out of Alfie’s hands and throw it into the river. But he didn’t because he didn’t see what good it would have done. He was already burning himself, and while it wasn’t a healthy habit, there was a possibility that it was giving him some sort of comfort, and Pierce didn’t want to make him angry.
“You weren’t really looking to quit, were you?” Pierce finally brought himself to ask, but he was almost afraid of the answer. What if Pierce had caused him to feel this way? What if Alfie was mad at him for it? He didn’t really see how he could be angry with him and still call him out here tonight, but it was Alfie so anything was possible. All he could do was hope that in the process of all of this shit they were putting themselves through, he wouldn’t lose Alfie forever.
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Out of Town
Written by HOSIE.
48 posts.
17 years old.
pizza >.
I am Male.
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Post by Alfred Smith on May 14, 2015 17:54:17 GMT
it was always youlonely, lonely little life </3 Was he really planning on quitting? Was this really what the whole stint was about?
“Depends on the drug,” Alfie finally responded, finally responding to Pierce’s affection by turning to look at him properly, finally managing to pull his attention back to the present situation as he blinked himself into full consciousness – so exhausted from his own thoughts that it was hard to not completely dissociate from reality. He was just so tired, and having to fight his own head to feel alive was something he was almost entirely sick of doing.
But that wasn’t the problem right now. The problem was Pierce.
Whether Alfie wanted to admit it or not, the guy had a hold on him that he just couldn’t shake, and he doubted he ever would. Hell, the man had made his childhood liveable and his teenage years just about survivable, all things considered. Sure, he’d caused some hell, whether it was because his dad had turned up unannounced or because he’d accidentally said something he shouldn’t whilst Alfie’s mother was in the room. It was weird to think that, even if it felt like they were written parallels into each other’s stories, there was always something that felt missing from the full story. Sure, Alfie knew parts of Pierce’s life was private, and he’d always respect that, but it was at least a little terrifying to know the picture you’d painted of the person you knew the best in the world wasn’t even complete… But, it’s also not like he’d told Pierce the truth either… Guess they were just as bad as each other – probably why they worked, truth be told. After a long moment, Alfie found it in himself to actually explain for once, a scared intensity held in his eyes that was previously lost. His gaze met Pierce’s as he gently rested his hand on the man’s thigh, biting his lip before finally adding.
“I mean, what if I’m addicted to you?” There was a pause, and Alfie let out a nervous breath. “I don’t mean in the shitty, romantic comedy way in which some girl can’t get laid so she finds the hottest guy she can and falls irreversibly in love with his abs; I mean in the kind of way that being with you is like flying, being so untouchable that even gravity can’t keep us down, and yet when you’re gone it’s the worst comedown I’ve ever been hit with. I’m not saying that I can’t live without you, it’s just –“ one final pause, and he bit his lip again, trying to figure out how to form words again, “-you give me headaches.”
PIERCE / DEM FEELS / 443 / XOXOI'm the light, blinking at the end of the roadblink back to let me know
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Out of Town
Written by Lyssa.
501 posts.
19 years old.
single.
I am Male.
|
Post by Pierce Reed on May 14, 2015 18:41:44 GMT
Let’s be alone together
We could stay young forever
273 WORDS ALFIE OUFIT SADNESS | It took Pierce a moment to process what Alfie was saying, and then another to really take it all in. Alfie had a way with words, something that Pierce could never quite understand. The redhead already was not the most intelligent person on the planet, and his lack of a proper education often left him behind in terms of being able to express himself well. And then there was Alfie, who could speak in a way that so clearly defined exactly what he was feeling and thinking, and Pierce always had to take a long time to think over his words.
Alfie was addicted to him? That wasn’t what he had expected to hear. But Pierce could relate to what he was saying. While Pierce had never experienced the pain of not being around him until just recently, it was one of the worse things he could remember feeling. At the time, he had blamed it on the guilt of cheating on Mason, but now he knew that wasn’t it. He did feel guilty, but not as much as he should have. What he really felt was a desire for more. He wanted Alfie back in his life.
“So…you wanted to quit me?” he asked, the pain in his voice very clear. He didn’t want Alfie to push him away. That was something that he couldn’t handle. Not now, anyways. He had given up to much to lose him now, not that that was anyone’s fault but his own. But he had prepared himself to let Alfie back into his life, and the thought that Alfie might not want that would crush him.
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Out of Town
Written by HOSIE.
48 posts.
17 years old.
pizza >.
I am Male.
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Post by Alfred Smith on May 14, 2015 20:32:37 GMT
it was always youlonely, lonely little life </3 "That's not what I mean, maybe." Alfie shook his head as he turned away from Pierce again, not quite sure how to sort the words in his head before he actually spoke. Unlike Pierce, Alfie very rarely spoke before he thought unless he was pissed off and feeling snarky. In truth, the guy was actually pretty quick witted, a lifetime of snapping insults offhand at his mother any chance he got slowly building his thought process to invent snarky comments to battle with within mere seconds of the person's comment. Hell, it's not like he was stupid. He was a bright kid, always had been - the kind that everyone hated for doing absolutely no work and yet coming out with top grades anyway. He was a twat in that kind of way, but it'd never bothered Pierce, so who cared?
"It's like," he lifted his hand to run through his hair, part of him considering lighting another fag as he attempted to think, because honestly this conversation was a little too stressful to not. After all, he still felt like shit. It was like it didn't matter what Pierce said in the end, because Alfie's brain was still stuck in the idea that he was some sort of toxic entity in people's lives, because all he ever did was cause shit and destroy people. Outed Levi? He'd done that. Potentially broken up Mason and Pierce? He'd done that. He was a wasted poison in people's lives, because all he managed to do was drip questions into people's brains until they were breaking their own lives, and Alfie was just left to stand there and watch. It was painful.
"It's like I want to, but I don't actually know how because I can't," he explained, thoughts turning to mush as he slowly pulled another cigarette out of his pocket, anticipating Pierce taking it off him before it was even lit... Not that he really cared. "It's like breathing - I can hold my breath if I really want to, but sooner or later I'm just going end up taking another breath because I have to. It's not a case of 'I could stop if I want', it's a case of stopping killing me in the end, even if only mentally." He routed around in his pocket to find a lighter, gaze refusing to even look at Pierce just in case he'd said something wrong, and the thought of being with Alfie repulsed Pierce, somehow.
PIERCE / DEM FEELS / 412 / XOXOI'm the light, blinking at the end of the roadblink back to let me know
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Out of Town
Written by Lyssa.
501 posts.
19 years old.
single.
I am Male.
|
Post by Pierce Reed on May 20, 2015 18:43:31 GMT
Let’s be alone together
We could stay young forever
308 WORDS ALFIE OUFIT SADNESS | The words the Alfie said cut into Pierce like a knife, but he knew they were true. He had no understanding of what it was that Alfie was feeling in that moment, but all he wanted was to make it all go away. To bring back the witty and sarcastic boy that he was sure he loved. But how was he supposed to do that? Breaking Alfie to pieces was something that Pierce was all too good at, but putting him back together? That was never something he’d bothered dealing with before.
As he watched Alfie pull out a cigarette, he debated for a moment before gently knocking it out of his grasp and lacing their fingers together. His other hand raised to cup Alfie’s jaw as he thought of exactly how it was he wanted to deal with this. “I don’t want you to quit me, Alfie,” he said, staring the boy straight into his eyes. “You and I are beyond toxic. We ruin each other, and we ruin the people around us, and I don’t know if that will ever change. But I want you more than anyone else on this Earth because you make me feel free. I’ve been in this place for months and I never really felt alive at all until that night with you. It might be wrong, and it might make me a horrible person, but it’s the truth.”
Pierce was never good with words, and he hated opening up about his feelings, so this was a rare occasion. But he was desperate to help Alfie, and if telling him these things would give him any sort of comfort then he had to do it. Pierce simply sat there, staring into the pools of pale blue that were shaded red, though whether than was from crying or smoking, Pierce wasn’t sure.
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