Out of Town
95 posts.
I am .
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Post by Ellie Wilde on Feb 5, 2015 17:54:49 GMT
Ellie a as the one who took Blake to the hospital. Both their parents were working. They just figured out Blake was terminal. She was trying not to cry. She never really cried unless something was really serious. She was just sat in the car didn't make it move yet. "I'm sure there's something you can do. A life can't be done that easily. There has to be something." Ellie said. Even she knew that they couldn't do anything. She passed biology, she passed her med class. She had all A's she knew they couldn't do anything but she still held onto false hope.
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Out of Town
Written by Hosie.
222 posts.
17 years old.
single.
I am Male.
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Post by Blake Wilde on Feb 5, 2015 19:13:30 GMT
"There's not."
The sentence was simple, clipped, like Blake'd been rehearsing it a thousand times and definitely no just trying not to talk in case he ended up crying. In truth, there wasn't a lot that he really knew how to say anyway, honestly still processing the information in his head. It wasn't like he hadn't expected it. He knew the warning signs when he saw them - the worsening headaches, the added symptoms, the doctor's slow switch in vocabulary from "it's going to be fine" to "we'll try our best" to "there's not much left to try" to simply, "we're sorry." He could've predicted this exact moment, but he couldn't have predicted just how much it would hurt. Slowly, his feet crept up to rest on the dashboard of the car, part of him knowing his sister wouldn't yell at him for it. At least that was one perk of having a death sentence hanging over your head - no one told you off for resting your feet in places you shouldn't.
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Out of Town
95 posts.
I am .
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Post by Ellie Wilde on Feb 5, 2015 19:57:32 GMT
"Yes there is he's just some stupid small town doctor. Well find you the best doctor. Even if I have to quit Juilliard so we can afford it. I don't care. I will. I'm not letting you leave. I'm not letting you leave anybody." Ellie said. She still hadn't cries yet. She couldn't. She couldn't show Blake how much it upset her. Even Blake wasn't crying yet. She still couldn't bother to start the cry or drive home.
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Out of Town
Written by Hosie.
222 posts.
17 years old.
single.
I am Male.
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Post by Blake Wilde on Feb 6, 2015 1:01:54 GMT
"No, there's really not, Ellie," Blake replied, almost too quickly. Maybe Blake was giving up too quickly, maybe that was the case, but right now he didn't care. Right now, he was terrified - petrified, even. He felt like a human with a 'use by' date, the idea being that you'd do everything you could with him before the cancer overran him and all he did was die, and poison everyone around him in the process with bittersweet memories about everything they'd done, and even worse regrets over what they hadn't. He was, essentially, a more painful version of the milk in you fridge...His life ambition had never been to be the slightly off milk in the fridge. This wasn't meant to happen. If anything, Blake hadn't quite hit the sad stage of finding out he was going to die; he was still comfortably angry, and on the verge of taking it out on Ellie. This wasn't fair. He. was. not. (slightly) off. milk. Why the hell did this have to happen to him? Most importantly, why did everyone care so much?
"Why can't you just fucking let me die?"
The sentence hadn't meant to leave his lips, and yet now it hung in the air, and only caused Blake to sink further into the chair, gaze staring determinedly at the glove box opposite him. He was not going to cry. Not now. He just felt numb, and the numbness was all too easily replaced with a terrified anger at what might of been, and what now never would be.
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Out of Town
95 posts.
I am .
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Post by Ellie Wilde on Feb 6, 2015 1:15:33 GMT
The words stung Ellie. She didn't show it but they did why would Blake five up his life so easily? She looked over at him. "Because I'm your sister and I need you. You're my little brother. I need you." Ellie was no longer able to look at her brother she just looked ahead at a car in front of her.
"Why are you so keen on dying?" Ellie asked quietly. She looked over at Blake. Ellie had never seen her brother so sad. It was obvious why he was sad. She didn't think he had depression. She just thought he was sad about dying. She would be too. Her brother was already leaving her. She couldn't help but wonder how he felt. While she was thinking she managed to let a tear slip out and she just brushed her hand against her cheek to make it go away.
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Out of Town
Written by Hosie.
222 posts.
17 years old.
single.
I am Male.
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Post by Blake Wilde on Feb 6, 2015 17:26:45 GMT
Blake, honestly, didn't know how to respond. The question was too open - too easy - like the questions on surveys and exams that asked for you opinion, or maybe even asked for you to explain something. There was always something more you could write, and yet it was still almost impossible to get the right answer. Nothing he could say to Ellie would explain it well enough, and yet she was also never the type to accept silence as an answer. Everything had to be vocal, loud, and right now Blake wanted to do nothing more than go on a long walk, in silence, to the middle of nowhere. Maybe if he got lost, he's lose all his problems too. Talking wasn't high in the list of things he really felt like doing, and putting up with Ellie's defiance definitely wasn't.
Unable to sink any further down in the chair, he shifted uncomfortably instead, too many answers forming in his head for him to handle - half of them grim explanations of just how ill he felt, just how much every day literally hurt. Sure, doctors could put him in radiotherapy, do their best to prescribe the medications to handle the mess of symptoms - whether it was a seizures or headaches or general nausea - but they couldn't control everything. They couldn't stop the feelings of hopelessness, they couldn't stop the look on people's faces whenever it was mentioned. They couldn't stop Braydon looking at him like he was a small child that needed protecting. They couldn't stop the feelings, and it was the feelings that were suffocating him.
He turned away from Ellie now, unable to even stare blankly at the glove box just in case he ended up feeling her gaze on him. Tears were starting to cloud his eyes, and he could no longer see straight. There was just too many thoughts, too many things to say. This conversation felt like his life - unfinished. "Because I don't see this as life," Blake finally confessed, still trying his best to blink away tears, knot caught in his throat as he struggled to finds words. "Because I was fine, and I was happy, and I spent my weekends with my friends in a blissful ignorance, and I can't do that anymore. I can't pretend that life is roses and perfume when it's really just duct-tape and stitches - I can't act like that silly, nerdy guy whose biggest concern is whether the receptionist finally realises he signs all his detention slips with names of Marvel characters." There was a pause, and all that was to be heard was the knocking of Blake's feet against the dashboard and the small sniff of a cancer patient trapped in a car with his sister. He'd sworn he wasn't going to cry, and what was he doing now?
Balling his eyes out, silent tears streaming down his face as he sniffed again, fingers pulling on the handle of the door, almost as if he was planning of running away. He was almost of things to say, and so somehow managed to find a way to sink further into the chair, finally comment barely audible over the general hustle and bustle of the hospital car park.
"I don't want to live like this. I feel like a shadow of myself, and everyone knows shadows only disappear..."
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Out of Town
95 posts.
I am .
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Post by Ellie Wilde on Feb 6, 2015 20:20:52 GMT
Ellie just listened to her brother talk. She felt bad for bringing it up. Her and Blake were always the complete opposite when it came to most things. She loved to talk and figure things out. Blake liked to sit in silence. Ellie didn't know when she started crying but she was crying now. Not even bothered that her makeup was streaking down her face. Making her look like some zombie girl. "I - I'm sorry," Ellie said.
Ellie was sorry for a lot. She was sorry for bringing it up. She was sorry he got the cancer. She was sorry for all the times she ever yelled at him. She was sorry that she couldn't help him. In that moment she just wanted werewolves to be real. She just wanted Blake to be cancer free. Anything that would make him cancer free that's all she wanted but it wasn't going to happen. Blake had cancer, Blake was terminal and they couldn't do anything about it.
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Out of Town
Written by Hosie.
222 posts.
17 years old.
single.
I am Male.
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Post by Blake Wilde on Feb 8, 2015 17:10:10 GMT
"It's fine."
Blake immediately fell back to silence, not quite sure what he should say. He'd said everything he meant to, hadn't he? She understood now, right? Or, did he still need to dignify himself? He didn't know anymore, and yet he still found that he felt he hadn't said enough. He usually coped with things by pushing them down and ignoring them, and only really speaking about the ridiculously mundane, simple things.. Like whether fem!Thor was actually a good move on Marvel's part, or arguing over whether a slug was basically just a homeless snail. He didn't do deep conversations. He didn't do feelings. But, now that his sister had made him start, he wasn't sure if he could stop, because everything was now on the verge of spilling out of him - guilt carried since the day they found out squirming in an attempt to escape his chest. Finally, after a long time, Blake's gaze span back to his sister and, between sniff and sobs, he quietly added:
"If there was any way to live, to stay here - even if it is in this hellhole - I'd do it... Just for Braydon and you and mum and dad. But there's not, and I don't want to cling to any false hope when the reality is that I'm not going to make it to August."
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Out of Town
95 posts.
I am .
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Post by Ellie Wilde on Feb 9, 2015 12:24:41 GMT
Ellie nodded at Blake. She wiped her eyes and began to drive home. "You dint have to tell mom and dad right now if you're not ready. I won't say anything," Ellie said quietly. They lived really close to the hospital so it's not like the drive took a long time.
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